Peyton Manning Retires, Chooses New Career Path (Satire)

July 16, 2010   ·   Adam Fromal   ·   Jump to comments

Four-time NFL MVP Peyton Manning is finally tossing aside the cleats. After twelve grueling seasons for the Indianapolis Colts, Manning is calling it quits and forging a new path for himself.
“I’m tired man. Sixteen games is enough, but we make the playoffs every year so it’s always even more than that. I just can’t do it anymore,” Manning told Sports Illustrated ’s Peter King while speaking with a slight drawl. “After dealing with the heartbreak from the Super Bowl, I just don’t want to put myself through all of this again.”
Manning also explained that he doesn’t think his skills have diminished at all: “You know, deep down I know I’m still pretty good. . . if you like 6'5", 230-pound quarterbacks with a laser rocket arm. And yes, that was a quote from one of my commercials.”
So where will this 10-time Pro Bowler go from here? Manning has decided that he is switching out his helmet for a micro...

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