Your Majesty Roger Goodell Has Decreed Five New Rules for the NFL (Satire)

November 10, 2010   ·   Joe Gearhart   ·   Jump to comments

Your majesty Roger Goodell the First has decreed the following rules that shall be in effect immediately.  Your majesty expects your gratitude, for he has made football a safer and more exciting sport. Thank you.
1. No defender must touch the receiver until the receiving player has caught the ball and has taken at least two (2) steps.  If said player that has caught and received the ball has been illegally touched as described, the opposite team shall forfeit 10 yards from the spot of the foul.
2. No defender may tackle a ball carrier below the hip (that includes the genitalia, knees and ankles), or above the chest.  The stomach region is the only place on the body of a ball carrier may be struck by an opponent.  Any flagrant disregard shall be punished with a five (5) yard penalty and an angry letter from his majesty Roger Goodell the First.
3. No defender may strike another opposing player with the helmet as if it were a missile.  The...

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